Self-esteem relates to how we compare ourselves with others. This can cover a number of things including how intelligent, attractive, lovable, successful or worthy, compared to others, we think we are. If you have high self-esteem, you are typically happy in your own skin and have a positive opinion of yourself.
Everyone, at one point or another, lacks self-confidence, doubts themselves or their abilities, and thinks negatively about themselves.
For some people, this is not just a passing feeling.
A person who suffers from low self-esteem generally has a negative opinion of themselves, is prone to judging themselves harshly and places a negative value on themselves. They feel weak, stupid, not good enough, inferior to other people, worthless and a failure. They usually have deep-seated negative beliefs about themselves. These beliefs are often taken as facts or truths about them and their identity. These beliefs can have a negative impact on the person – and on their lives.
Today, 85% of the world’s population are affected by low self-esteem (‘The Self-Esteem Book’, Dr Joe Robino), so the good news is that people who suffer low self-esteem are not alone…
More needs to be done to help people overcome the issue of low self-esteem because of the devastating effects that it can have on an individual, preventing them from fulfilling their full potential.
So how can you improve your self-esteem?
Coaching is a proven way of restoring healthy self-esteem and can help improve your self-regard in a number of ways. It can help you to challenge the beliefs that you have about yourself, boost your self-esteem and help you build a strong and positive self-image.
There are many ways to improve your self-confidence – and one of these is to believe in yourself. If you lead with positive thoughts you’re more likely to accomplish your goals. A negative attitude will lead to negative actions, feelings, reactions and low self confidence.
Building self-esteem can be a difficult, though rewarding journey in adulthood.
One of the ways to do this is through Strengths Based Coaching and the use of Positive Psychology. Helping you to identify your strengths and values, and how you can use them in a positive way can really help improve overall self-regard. People do not always consciously think about their strengths, and helping people to understand their strengths better, and using them more, through coaching, has been proven to have positive implications.
Indeed, research from Martin Seligman, one of the proponents of positive psychology, has identified that ‘inviting people to use their strengths in new and different ways each day led to significant increases in happiness and significant decreases in depression’ (Seligman et al., 2005).
Coaching has often been cited as giving people a space and time for self-reflection (Burke & Linley, 2007), and it appears that asking people about their strengths does this similarly.
Other tips to help improve your self-esteem, that you can carry out at home:
(i)
- Say ‘stop’ to your inner critic
- Use healthier motivation habits
- Take a 2 min ‘self-appreciation’ break
- Each evening, write down 3 things you can appreciate about yourself
- Do the right thing
- Fight against perfectionism
- Handle mistakes and failures in a more positive way
- Be kinder toward other people
- Try something new
- Stop falling into the comparison trap
- Spend more time with more supportive people (and less time with more destructive people)
- Remember the ‘whys’ of self-esteem
(Henrik Edberg, 2017)
(iii) write a list of your top 7 qualities – the things that make you unique. Carry them with you (on a piece of paper or on your phone) so that you can remind yourself what makes you ‘special’ as you work to change your negative behaviours and thinking.
(iv) accept compliments! Being able to accept, believe and feel good about compliments is crucial to cultivating a high level of self-confidence. The best way to accept compliments is to look the person in the face, smile and say ‘thank-you’. Bury the urge to bat away the compliment!
(v) take care of yourself! Nurture yourself – do things you enjoy; eat well and drink less alcohol. Remember you deserve to take care of yourself and be taken care of!
It may not feel like it at the moment, but know that no matter how down you might be feeling, there is always room for growth and improvement.
If you’d like to learn how coaching can help improve your self-esteem, please contact us!